Monday was a weird day. It started with a 1-hour wait in line at the IRS office. I was there just to drop off a form, but most of the others were there to get very-last-minute tax preparation assistance. The non-stop blabbering I heard from those people, from long complaints about even having to pay taxes (really, people?) to stories of smoking joints at the light rail station, got me down. I then was down on myself for judging them.
Later that day a Facebook friend, who is moving back to the U.S., was denied health insurance because she’s pregnant, which is considered a preexisting condition. Ugh.
Then the explosions in Boston…
However, that same day, my mom shared a few quotes with me that were some of the most profound ones I had heard in a while. They reminded me that love, grace, and appreciation are at the heart of life…life which is always fleeting and unpredictable. Written by a woman who was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer just after graduating from college in her early 20s (from her blog My Big Girl Pants, which chronicled her struggle until shortly before her death):
“I task all of you to spend some time today taking stock of your lives. Don’t take stock of your career goals or material possessions. Take a look at your character and at your relationships. Take a look at the friends around you, because at the end of your lives, your relationships are what endure even after you are gone. Your relationships and your character are what matter and they are all that matter.”And from her husband’s eulogy:
“During Christmas 2011, Bridget and I traveled to Vienna and attended the opera. About this event, she wrote, “As the first strains from the ‘Marriage of Figaro’ began, I started crying quietly. I was overwhelmed by the joy of being alive.””The joy of being alive…
During both good times and bad, I remind myself of the fleeting nature of life. As I wrote in my first newsletter recently, “the one constant visitor in any life is change.” That’s so hard because we get attached to people and situations that we love. We don’t want those things to change, and yet they will.
Reminding myself to live my life to the fullest every day is important. I also think about the following 4 lessons (with emphasis on the last one). They resonate with me. Maybe they will resonate with you, too.
Spread Love and Acceptance
This sounds like a no-brainer, but to do it consistently, even when those around you are being negative or judgmental, is not easy. I often think of one of my colleagues, Maureen, who shamelessly shares her love of people with others. When professors complain about their students (as we often do), she will counter with something like, “I decided to like my students. All of them.”
If we can consistently practice and preach love and acceptance, we help make the world a better place for us and others.
Service
I just finished teaching a unit on the relationship between money and happiness and had the pleasure of reporting research findings that show that giving to others brings happiness. What a pity it would be to not spend at least some time on a regular basis helping others, making that extra effort to lend a hand, and donating to reliable charities.
Nurture Relationships, Not Careers
My goal has always been to have a career that fits the following criteria: it is interesting to me, helps people, and gives me flexibility to have time for the rest of my life. I am very fortunate to have built such a career. I don’t make big bucks and have no ladder to climb. Instead, my career allows me to make a difference in my community and provides a stable source of income for me and my family. That’s more than enough.
I don’t nurture my career. I don’t care about work achievements or titles. Instead, I care about the people I interact with at work and the time I have with loved ones outside of work. Even so, I do wish I had more time for my family and lots more time for my friends.
Get Out and Make Memories!
Travel! Take risks. Do something new. Live abroad. Take walks in the early morning and at dusk. Spend time in nature. Turn off the TV or computer.
In short, get out and live…make memories with yourself and those you love. Life is fleeting, but the love we give others is here to stay, both when we are here to experience that love and when we are gone and our loved ones remember it.
And you? What helps you deal with tough times? How can you get out and live more?
For more, read “Channeling the Spirit of the Boston Marathon: Hope Going Forward” from Uncornered Market.
With thoughts to all those who are suffering as a result of the Boston attack, especially sweet Martin Richard and his family, who are not only grieving, but are also recovering from their own injuries.
Thank you Jenna, for this poignant and gracious post. It is an interesting consideration in this modern era that we must make a conscious effort to simplify our lives and focus on the things that matter – namely, the people around us. Looking back at past generations, it seemed to happen by necessity that people would band together and savor special moments in all forms they happened to appear in.
Thank you for taking the time to express these thoughts, and in such an eloquent manner.
Kind Regards
H
Yes, definitely interesting to think about how most of us have to make a conscious effort to slow down, enjoy life, and spend more time with loved ones. Blogging is one of those things that takes time away from what is really most important in my life, so I have to step back and consider how much time I’m spending on it (but I don’t watch TV–blogging is what I choose to do in my downtime). Thanks for your kind words, Hasan.
Gosh, Jenna, there is so much in this post that hit home for me. It was great the way you contrasted your feelings at the tax office (ugh) with the deeper meaning of Bridget Spence’s words about “taking stock.” That’s our challenge every day, I guess – to get past the tasks that may seem unpleasant or routine and search for the meaning & joy.
Your colleague’s lesson of love & acceptance was very stirring! And I loved her choice of words: “I’ve DECIDED to like all my students.”
I also was moved by your comment that you don’t climb career ladders, but rather keep to the right path.
I try to make a mental gratitude list every day and that helps me focus on that search for moments of joy, no matter how (seemingly) small. I’m especially grateful to be part of your family, and to share in your memory-making.
Thanks for a beautiful post!
🙂
I like the gratitude list idea. I have started those off and on, but I do think about what I have to be grateful for every day.
Thanks for sharing those quotes with me!
Beautifully said, Jenna. It’s so important that we find positive ways to make our world better. So much inspiration in this one short post <3
Thank you, Laurel!
What a great post. I frequently need to be reminded to go out and live my life instead of trying to climb up the corporate ladder too fast. Wish I had more flexibility in my job to travel more. Thanks for some inspiration!
Thanks for the comment, Jessica! Everyone’s life and goals are different, but the type of work I do doesn’t sync with corporate ladders (though it took years of hard work/study to get the career). However, working in some flexibility to enjoy the rest of your life (and travel) is important no matter what the job is.
I’m going through a tough period at the moment, but you know what? I always find something positive in life to keep me going. I really like your advice about love and acceptence – this is what I’m trying to do. Great post!
Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. We all do, but we endure. Being positive and carrying on are key.
Beautiful post Jenna.
Both poignant and inspirational.
I am one of those odd people who are often reminded of their mortality – it has been something that has stayed with me since I was little but I am not exactly sure what started it.
I think this feeling is what keeps me traveling. My grandparents roll their eyes asking, Why would you want to go see that? Why would you want to spend more than 6 hours on a plane?
I expected them to get it more than anyone but it seems I alone feel this rushing need to get out and see things with the people I love while we still can.
Murissa
Thanks for your comment, Murissa. Interesting that you have been reminded of your own mortality since you were young–I think most people would say that they never thought about it until they got older.
Beautifully written and very inspiring, Jenna! It’s a wonderful reminder of things we often take for granted or forget during our busy lives. As I watch my kids get older, I’m constantly reminded of many things I’ve missed out by choosing to work. But, it’s those quality times spent with them and memories we’ve made that I hope they’ll remember and cherish as they get older. Thanks for these positive thoughts during a very tough week especially in the US.
Thanks, Mary. From what I’ve seen on your blog, it looks like you and your family make lots of fun memories together!
Don’t you just love those days when something comes to you that you had really needed…
I can’t thank you enough for this post Jenna. I had a major life decision to make over the last 24 hours and, even though I knew in my heart what the right answer was, I still questioned if I was crazy for not going down that path.
I sat down at my laptop first thing this morning after a sleepless night weighing up the pros and cons, ready to email the person I had needed to reply to about this major life decision.
As my emails downloaded to my inbox there it was, the title of your inspiring post ‘Get out and live!’. It was one of those moments when you feel like the universe has given you the advice you needed. Thanks so much. Amazing post.
Rachael
This was a great comment to read first thing in the morning. So glad this post resonated with you. Thanks for taking the time to comment, Rachel.
I try to live my life seeking out the positive which is more difficult than it sounds but so worth it in the rewards it brings.
So simple and so true!
“Get out and live” – so simple and yet so many seem not to get it. Memories last a lifetime and we’d rather spend our money creating them than on physical items. Thanks for the uplifting post!
Travel saved me from the toughest moment of my life – Losing a parent. I nearly ignored my dreams of nomadic travels. I had resigned myself to the fact that it was a silly dream and and no one did that sort of thing. And that was that. Until the last conversation I ever had with her. I spoke to her about my silly dream (she was my best friend and the only person I could tell my silly dreams too) and she told me it was silly and it was the most wonderful idea. She encouraged me to make it come true. I didnt think of it again until a week later when I was trying to remember the last conversation we had with her. I knew at that moment I had to make my dream come true if not for me, for her. Some times its the toughest situations that leads us to our dreams.
Thank you for telling your story, Nicole. It is a powerful one, and I hope that you realizing your dreams and living the life you had imagined is helping you heal.
What a great reminder!
I can relate to your “work ethic” or rather how you incorporate work into your life. I’m soon going to return to California to begin a new and I don’t want my work to consume me… I want to find that balance of living and having a job/career that supports me and allows me to pursue my interests! Its nice to read others who are purposely making this choice to “stay on the right path rater than climb ladders”
I like to hear of others who see the value of good work but want to balance a career with other priorities like travel. 🙂